by Wilson F. Fang
I know a gay couple who recently moved to a rather remote Bay Area suburb after buying their own house. They boasted about all the room they had in their new home, the huge backyard, the fresh air and lack of noise. The fact that they seemed to be a gazillion miles from anything didn't seem to bother them, nor did their new hour-long commute to work. Indeed, they are but one instance of a seeming trend amongst gay men and women abandoning the city for subdivisions. These individuals often talk about the space, the affordability of housing, the fact that you don't feel so cramped, etc, etc, etc. People like these hold firm to the belief that they are at the forefront of an upcoming wave of gay migration to suburbia, and that it will be a matter of time before San Francisco East Bay suburb Castro Valley becomes as popular with queer folk as the The City's Castro District is now….
I'm not one of them.
Don't get me wrong. I think the suburbs are a great place, if you are straight and married, with 2.3 kids, a dog or two, and social life revolving around going to the mall and Little League games and planning barbecues with your equally straight neighbors. But for your average gay guy (or gal, for that matter…), I don't think the suburbs are going to replace the, well, urbs anytime soon. In fact, methinks moving out to be with the Joneses in tract home heaven may lose its luster for many of homosexuals who left the city to "get away from it all."
Let's take a look at the reasons that are typically given when one moves "away from it all." Perhaps the most common one is that it's cheaper to find a place to live in the 'burbs than it is to live downtown. There's certainly no disputing that the rents in Long Island are dramatically lower than the rents in Manhattan. But unless you also work in the suburbs, you usually have a long commute to get to where you work. So when you add in the cost of transportation, plus the additional time and energy you have to expend on your commute, you're really not saving that much, are you? Also, unless you're one of those anti-social, hermetic types who prefers to be live your life cloistered in your place of residence with nothing but Book Of The Month deliveries to keep you entertained, engaging in any sort of recreational activity will also entail getting to a car and driving somewhere, something which isn't de rigeur when you live downtown.
Speaking of transportation, if you're a fan of public transportation, moving out of the city usually means saying "adios" to transit. Oh sure, almost every suburban area has some sort of bus service. But coverage is often spotty, service infrequent, and the stops few and far between. I still have rather traumatic memories of having to walk 4 miles to a bus stop when I was staying with a relative in the Bay Area town of Pacifica so I could catch the bus and meet someone for a date downtown. I don't know if the fact that my clothes were sweaty and my hair matted when I finally showed up at the coffee shop were deciding factors for him, but I never saw the guy again.
"Well," one may be forgiven for asking, "those are pretty good arguments against moving to the suburbs in general." But what's in it for Queer Boy types like Yours Truly?"
Let's start with the basics. Lessee. Sex is pretty basic, so let's get that out of the way. Quote me on this--it's much easier to get laid when you live downtown than out in the sticks. First of all, statistically, there are many more gayfolk living in the Urban Jungle than there are in June Cleaver-land. Ergo, the chances of you meeting someone gay at your local Safeway are much better when you live downtown than out-of-town. Speaking of chance encounters at the supermarket, urban locales are far more likely to have cruisy areas than suburban ones. What would your average horny gay guy do without the bars, adult bookstores, public restrooms, and other sites where they can get a groove-on going? And if you're into making an instant connection via other means, such as the Internet, or personal ads, don't discount the convenience factor of being able to "hook up" with someone who lives four blocks, instead of four cities, away. You can even run back to your place and grab your favorite sex toy should you find you need it in the heat of the moment, a task which would be a lot more unappealing if you had to get back into your car, drive half an hour back home to grab that special vibrator, and then rush back to his place, only to find that he's lost interest and has decided to vacuum the carpet by the time you return.
Okay, say you're not into casual sex, and are more into finding Mr. Right than Mr. Right Now. The same general principles apply. It's easier to meet someone, due to the propensity of queer people to live within a City than around it. There are places like gay bars and coffee houses to meet at, establishments that don't often make it out to suburbia. It's easier to keep dating someone who lives walking (or busing) distance away than one you have to get into your car and drive 20 miles to just to meet, burning gas at $2.25 a gallon, giving up a precious parking space in the process...and so on and so forth. Oh, and it's also easier to find things to do together (when you finally do settle on someone) when you live in the city than when you don't. In the 'burbs it's basically either the mall, the local video store, or the bowling alley. Whereas downtown you can choose from all sorts of recreational options, from going shopping in charming little neighborhoods to dining at charming little restaurants to having drinks in charming little bars to…well, you get the picture.
Which brings us to the next reason why gays are much more at home in town than in a subdivision. To put a new twist to an old adage, gay men cannot live on sex alone (as hard as some may try to get away with that…). In other words, gay life is not just about sex and dating. It's also about eating out, shopping, museum-hopping, and other favored pastimes of your typical guppie (Gay Urban Professional, for the uninitiated…). Or at least it is for this particular guppie. It's pretty elementary, really. You want culture--the major museums, symphony halls, opera houses, theatres, art galleries, and the like are all downtown. Tired of your own (or your partner's) cooking? The selection and quality of restaurants in a downtown area is doubtless an improvement over the burger joint, the Chinese restaurant with formica tabletops, and the Mexican fast food outlet found in your typical suburban setting. And while suburban shopping malls usually have your standard big department stores and fancy chain shops, the downtown outposts of these shops are generally bigger, have a better selection, and are staffed by cuter and gayer (or at least gay-friendlier) types. Complemented by other, equally fabulous stores selling everything from designer toothpaste to unique tchotchkes not found anywhere else.
Perhaps the most important factor that keeps me chained to a downtown address, however, is the fact that there is simply a greater sense of community in the Big City than there are out in the 'Burbs. This refers not to just a feeling of solidarity with other queer urban dwellers, but more the fact that I generally feel welcomed by other people who live downtown. Most people who choose to live in an urbanized setting tend to be far more tolerant of alternative lifestyles than Mr. & Mrs. White Picket Fence, and as a consequence I feel more of a sense of belonging in town than I do elsewhere. While America in general seems to be growing more broadminded, I do think that there will be a ways to go before I'd feel as comfortable flying a pride flag in suburbia as I would on Main Street.
Of course, I could go on and on about the other things I like about living in town. Great urban parks. Proximity to friends. The general "feel" of living amongst the hustle and bustle of downtown. The kaleidoscope of colorful characters that can be found in the city. But all work and no play will make this writer a dull boy. And the urban playground is a-calling just outside my doorstep.
Wilson F. Fang, San Francisco City Page editor
